North Korea
Moatto Obedientiam. Officium. Honorare. Mortem. Moatism (religion) The official national religion of North Korea is that of the Moat, commonly referred to as Moatism. The Moat is more than a “deep absence of earth" to North Korea. The Moat is something which cannot be seen, touched, smelled or heard therefore it is something which is “absent” but it is also omnipresent at the same time - two attributes which comprise the dual nature of the Moat. The Moat is constantly undergoing two twin process known to North Koreans as “integration and disintegration”, which contrary to working antagonistically with eachother as one would imagine, are actually two mutually beneficial processes which can be referred to in simpler terms as “simultaneous increase and decrease” i.e. As earth and mineral is taken from the moat by Koreans causing it to disintegrate, the Moat also grows in size and presence – “Integration” or “Increase”. The Moat, in return to North Koreans for their meritorious actions imparts unto them its loving providence. Far from regarding the actions of North Koreans as an act of greed and hostility towards the Earth, the Moat regards their unparalleled ability to remove large pieces of earth as an act of strength and will power, which is a belief which runs contrary to those of most others, whose ideals of “giving back to the Earth what you take” are regarded by the Moat as indicative of weakness and shaft-love, and have provided a source of amusement for the Moat in the time before it’s discovery by the North Korean people. The human mind, never mind that of the non-Korean human, cannot comprehend the true spiritual nature of the Moat's duality except by use of analogy which only gives a superficial understanding of it’s true essence which entirely transcends something as transient as human language. In North Korean schools, children are first introduced to the concept of the Moats duality by drinking glasses of water and observing how as water is removed, the space in the glass also increases, but beyond this no further elaboration is done. This is because North Koreans think it advisable for servants of the Moat, regardless of intellectual capacity to not focus too much time and energy on understanding the true essence of the Moat as this would run contrary to the cold apathy which has allowed North Korean people to build a flourishing society fueled by nothing but the desire to obey, pay their dues to, honor and die for the Moat. It is this apathy that has turned the North Korean people into the ruthless champions of the cause of the Moat which they are today, and is the reason that the empire has spread, since its inception at the Moats discovery, all the way from North Korea…to the rest of North Korea. For this same reason, North Korea will continue to dig the Moat, and the Moat will love and provide for them while itself growing…and yet disintegrating from their efforts – Thus reinforcing the Moats duality. The culture and philosophy of the North Korean people has also developed as a result of observing the symbolism surrounding the existence of the Moat, and has formed the basis of North Korean politics and interaction with the rest of the world. Seemingly hostile to non-Koreans, the actions of North Korea to other nations are actually regarded by Koreans as a gift and blessing of the highest honor. Koreans regard no attribute more highly than the attributes of the Moat. By taking from their neighboring factions, North Koreans are causing them to disintegrate in order to grow in the manner of the Moat. Consequently Koreans are grateful for the efforts of other factions in aiding them to achieve these Moatly attributes by taking from them as they do the Moat, and will in turn strive to return the favor 10 fold upon anyone kind enough to serve them in this way- such is the way of North Korean competitiveness with regards to kindness. Leadership North Korea is governed by a central figure known as the "Supreme Leader". The title “Supreme Leader” was originally a hereditary title handed down father to son, originating from the first and only person to directly receive divine power from the Moat itself. It is written that the first Supreme Leader whilst on a morning stroll through the justice fields became lost at length and was forced to defecate into the Moat which he thought at the time was just a large chasm. It is believed that at this moment the volume of his excrement displaced a proportionately equal volume of the Moats divine energy which upon exiting the Moat found a repository in the Supreme Leader’s form and caused him to experience “a mysterious, black, penetrating force”. After learning to harness his newly acquired power the Supreme Leader, whose original identity is unknown, proceeded to unify the then heavily segregated North Korea and in doing so won the hearts and wives of the people. In time however the family of the original Supreme Leader became so large and convoluted that differences began to arise and schisms started to form, each with its own idea as to who should be appointed Supreme Leader. Even though the original Supreme Leader made his wishes very clear, greed and ambition caused many members of the family to break away. Despite its turbulent past of civil warfare, North Korea is at present mostly unified, with a hand-full of easily extinguished underground movements springing up from time to time known to North Koreans as “prairie dog defections”. It is unknown however if the current Supreme Leader shares genealogy with the first. One Supreme Leader, in order to put an end to the civil unrest, decided against appointing any of his sons the station of Supremacy and instead created a council of elders still in existence today which comes together periodically to elect the new Supreme Leader in a periodic “moat”. Currently in debate within illegal circles of scholars and thinkers is the claim of “divine power” upheld by all Supreme Leaders, and whether or not this can be passed, if at all, by appointment, election or erection. Regardless of the reality, Supreme Leaders still uphold a large amount of political power, and are precieved as more than just figureheads of both the government and the religion of Moatism. The Battle Moat The Battle Moat is a weather satellite launched prematurely on 12th February 2011 by North Korea. With its meteorological functionality still intact, it was recently temporarily repurposed as a battle station during the Battle of the Battle Moat (see prairie dog defections) as a platform for fighting the invading Men of the North. Name While a Moat is generally perceived as a defensive trench in the Earth, to North Koreans the word “Moat” has come to be used as a colloquial term within the culture to refer to any nouns which exhibit some kind of duality. For example, if Albert Einstein was Korean, and he discovered the electrons wave-particle duality http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wave%E2%80%93particle_duality for the first time, he probably would have described it as a “Moat” when pitching his idea to the Supreme Leader as he was put to death for thought crime. This is because it exhibits two seemingly mutually exclusive attributes: That of the wave and that of the particle. The naming of the Battle Moat however was a little more abstract. As simply put as possible: The Battle Moat is not a Moat, as it is essentially a large flying box, yet it is called a Moat, thus making it a Moat. Therefore, if the Battle Moat is not a Moat, but at the same time it is a Moat because it is called a Moat, then in North Korean colloquial terms, it is most certainly a Moat. If we draw a parallel with Einstein’s electron then it might be easier understood: The Electron is a particle. The Battle Moat is a Moat. The Electron is also not a particle. The Battle Moat is also not a Moat. The Electron is a Moat. The Battle Moat is a Moat. The reason why something which exhibits duality is referred to as a “Moat” by North Koreans is explained further if one understands the basics of “Moatism”- The national religion of North Korea. ---- Below: The prematurely launched Battle Moat still retains its majesty as it flies in geosynchronous orbit above the reclaimed Moatherland First weather readings The Battle Moat gave its first weather report on 13 February 2013 at the conclusion of the Battle of the Battle Moat, but not by the the doing of the meteorologists aboard the vessel as they were preoccupied with the battle. Some say it was divine intervention. Below: a scan of the first weather report from the Battle Moat. Completion It is uncertain if the Battle Moat will be completed as was originally intended or will remain an unfinished structure, or simply discarded as a project. The political situation of North Korea is it stands is somewhat fragile and there is a sense that the energy and resources of the Moatherland can be better placed Prairie dog defections A “Prairie dog defection” or simply “Prairie dog” is a term coined by a North Korean journalist to refer to the minor rebellions experienced from certain movements within North Korea. The severity of these defections varies significantly. Some defections have been put down by force, while others were simply willing to reform after a short while with some prairie dogs leaving North Korea entirely and waging all out war. The term, if not already apparent is named because of the manner in which prairie dogs pop their heads up above ground before quickly going back down. North Korean Defectors In 2011 one citizen of North Korea known as Piepai was unhappy with the progress of the state in terms of both infrastructure and aesthetics. By way of protest Piepai formed a branch of North Korea called “North Korean Defectors” and made a base in a small boat in a lake. Although he launched a few guerrilla attacks on the main North Korea base, operating with the use of smuggler tactics and with the aid of the gullible Hairybeef, who Piepai had groomed over time using his experience as a paedophile and eventually convinced to break away from North Korea, it was clear at the outset to both the government of North Korea as well as Piepai that the defection was nothing more than a protest. North Korea therefore responded positively to Piepai’s constructive criticism and applied some major changes to the base, allowing both Piepai and Hairybeef to return to their Moatherland without consequences. Men of the North Of all the rebellious movements which have stirred in North Korea since its inception, perhaps the most noteworthy is the defection of the Men of the North. In light of the results it has produced, this is a movement comparable to that of the bowel. The roots of this rebellion go back to the early days of North Korea when the members of this outcast group were citizens of the nation. History has shown how one seed of ambition can lay dormant in a mans heart for many years, and also how suddenly this seed can germinate and turn its host into a monster. This was the case for Patrick, who was the son of one of North Korea's Supreme Leaders. As the eldest of his siblings, Patrick grew up with the understanding that he would be appointed Supreme Leader of North Korea upon either his fathers death or retirement, yet he remained unaware of the deep concern his father harbored for his nation. Patrick soon learned of his fathers plans to do away with the tradition of Supreme Leaders appointing their eldest male offspring as next in line in order to try to save North Korea from falling apart at the seams. Note that this was at the time when claimants to the station of Supreme Leader we're cropping up on all sides, causing rifts, schisms and factions to form everywhere as a result of peoples ambitions. Patrick, upon hearing of his father's plans instantly felt threatened and dishonored and decided to take action against his father, regardless of the fact that so much as the wrong kind of glance at a Supreme Leader can result in death, even if it is family. He arranged for a man to be hired who could dishonor his father enough that he would have to resign lest there be a civil uprising. This man was 10greenbottles, a professional disgrace-artist, trained in the art of blackmail. Their plans however did encountered some complications which resulted in their intentions being discovered by the state. Before they could be put to death however, they were imprisoned pending trial when they managed to escape with some of the prison guards and start an independent settlement which would later become the home of the Men of the North: A people who, generations after their founders disgrace, still harbor needless hate, jealousy and bitterness towards their forefathers: North Korea. Currently North Korea is at war with the Men of the North over custody of the northern territory. Events and battles The Battle of the Battle Moat - 12 February 2013 After various small raids from both sides, resulting in minor damage to property and livestock, the Men of the North, after entering North Korea through the pig gate built exclusively for them and other capitalist pigs, launched an unexpected attack on the Moatherland, forcing the unsuspecting residents to scatter and run to safety. Upon regrouping, the North Koreans dug several temporary underground bases (Named Outpost Alpha through Delta) with the intention of forming a resistance aimed at taking back the Moatherland from the Men of the North. These bases however were compromised one by one due to varying factors, such as decreased awareness from slime withdrawal and sticky keys. It was at this time when the Supreme Leader gave the go-ahead for the launch of North Koreas weather satellite - The Battle Moat. After fending for themselves in the wilderness, the scattered citizens of North Korea eventually found their way back into the Moatherland separately, and after a joyous celebration of Moat water and Stockholm-silence, they had the resolve it took to finish the Battle Moat and prepare it for launch. After its launch on 12 February 2013, the meteorologists aboard the Battle Moat sighted the first Northman inside North Korea, put aside their meteorology equipment and geared themselves for battle. After a brief exchange of arrows between the Battle Moat and the constructions of the enemy, the Men of the North briefly left their battle stations for a group battle massage (an experimental method employed by the Northman military as a morale boost for soldiers), allowing North Koreans to sabotage their war-constructs, and save the Battle Moat as well as the Moatherland. This battle was concluded with a truce between the two sides. While the leaders of either side did not seem to know exactly what a truce was, the terms were known to all, and as a result a ceasefire is currently in place. Upon the conclusion of the battle, the instruments aboard the Battle Moat sprung to life, as if by divine intervention, and gave their first forecasted weather readings. This was cause for even more celebration in the Moatherland and a new life was breathed into her people. Below: A baby chicken is born at the scene of battle, symbolising the new life breathed into the Moatherland. In the same manner that the phoenix is born from ashes and similarily as the Moat grows by decreasing in matter, the North Koreans will prevail. National Anthem (Korean to English rendering) 당신이 없으면, 조국도 없다 사나운 폭풍도 쳐몰아내고 신념을 안겨준 Gigledon동지 당신이 없으면 우리도 없고, 당신이 없으면 조국도 없다! 미래도 희망도 다 맡아주는 민족의 운명인 Gigledon동지 당신이 없으면 우리도 없고, 당신이 없으면 조국도 없다! 세상이 열백번 변한다해도 인민은 믿는다 Gigledon동지 당신이 없으면 우리도 없고, 당신이 없으면 조국도 없다! 아…… 우리의 Gigledon동지 당신이 없으면 조국도 없다! No Motherland Without You (English Translation) You pushed away the severe storm You made us believe, Comrade Gigledon We cannot live without you Our country cannot exist without you! Our future and hope depend on you People's fate depends on you, Comrade Gigledon! We cannot live without you Our country cannot exist without you! Even if the world changes hundreds of times People believe in you, Comrade Gigledon We cannot live without you Our country cannot exist without you! Oh... Our Comrade Gigledon Our country cannot exist without you! History (Pre-Map) Strife. War. Slavery. These are the things the Great Leader was born into. Amid a period of great turmoil and civil war, however, the retinues of both Gigledon and his son Jeregor were locked in combat with one another. Amidst the clash of steel and the ringing of blades, both Gigledon and Jeregor were struck down and mortally wounded. Horrified by this catastrophic turn of events, their retinues sacrificed the next two thousand years of their lives in stasis, incapable of meaningful movement; the flow of time negated; yet still they healed, helplessly, painfully aware of every second of their entrapment. Two thousand years have passed since that day. Stepping out of stasis into a city seemingly built for their arrival, the two factions agreed to put aside their differences and work towards a common goal - reestablishment of the glory of the old empire.